Wistfulness

I remember a time when I thought flowers were the most beautiful things in all of God’s creation. I remember the rapture of being given a deep red rose, sniffing deeply into it and capturing the fragrance of happiness, romance and a youthful timelessness. I remembered its perfection, a microcosm of everything that was worth living for in the world.

How small my world was then! And yet how perfect, when it only consisted of the two of us.

I remember lazy walks to nowhere even in the deep of winter when everyone was hiding in their dorm cubbyholes. I remember chocolates that melted in my mouth. I remembered laughing for no reason, feeling more alive than ever before in my life. Colours burned brighter, every pop jingle called forth emotion like the Hallelujah Chorus.

I think often about that golden, slightly ephemeral time; wishing, wondering why it didn’t last. I found the fitting metaphor for this design in the tapestry of our lives…it was a song, sung by the finest choir. A clarion call to spring, to hope. Ancient civilizations used to dance and sing to welcome a new year, the turn of frost to warmth. When we created technology and replaced Bacchus and Persephone, we lost a crucial part of our natural knowledge of the world. We lost the living rhythm of the seasons. That every song has a rising, a climax, a falling, and an end that lingers long in our awed ears.

The duet we made sang of joys that could satisfy forever, but the notes had no place in a larger reality. I am still glad that there was no discordant tune in that song; that we finished it marvellously, a wistful note towards the end that hovered in the air – who could blame us if we shed a few tears as the music stopped?

I grew up, grew out, expanded myself, my world and experienced many deep joys and heartbreaks after. But once in a while – when my glories clang like brass, when my loved ones have more important things to attend to – I wish I could sing that song with you again. The tune, every pitch and pause, remains in my memory still.