Monday, March 16, 2009

Losing and Gaining

As I strive more and more just to be, I realise that I've gradually lost touch with what I can do...Today I sang at the Delirious? concert and was surprised to hear my own voice. It didn't sound like my own, and it was breathy and high-pitched and weak. My singing voice has atrophied, like the muscles of a paralytic.

And I don't have the intense-planning-and-study drive anymore, even though my IB exam is not far away (month and a half) - probably because I'm already looking on to the next step, university, and if I get into American unis it doesn't matter what your final grade is as long as you pass. And all the necessary coursework I've completed already.


In exchange, I stretched, I laughed, I loved passionately and smiled like an idiot. Struck up conversations with previously-intimidating people and found them so normal, so nice. Threw my planner to one side and went with the flow. Watched movies crammed four people to a bed. Spoke what was really on my mind. Waddled in the muddy waters of uncertainty. About myself, about people. But mostly about myself, because if your glasses are foggy the whole world looks misty to you, doesn't it?

Anyway, am sleepy, so will have to leave this post to another day...tata!