Sunday, September 14, 2008


2 Timothy 2: 22Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.

Galatians 5: 19The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

Search my heart O God. Your word is unchanging truth that stands firm even though the waves of life and confusion sweep over me. Although alternative doors are opening to me now, with them it brings shades of grey and dubious morality and a craving for temporary pleasures. If there is nothing I can cling onto now - not church which sometimes seems so far away and so removed from the immediate pressures of the real world and this confinement of thoughts in my mind; or people with their changing whims and fancies; or books which preach different doctrines - there is one thing I can hold onto now.

Your word. Your word.


I said to someone recently, "I want to be someone who has lines, lines dividing right and wrong, truth and deceit, because now I am someone who has great big areas of uncertainty." Only the creator of the universe can be an authority on those lines, and I want to find out exactly where they are.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

The Big Question

"You've told me who your are not. So who are you?"

Look at the stars, the roof, the potted plants next to you and the boxy texture of the ground. Just don't look at his face. Then you will definitely not be able to find a single word to say.

Subject, verb, object. Remember the order of making sentences. Put one together.

Don't say "I don't know". That is a shortcut to not thinking. Pause.

It's not hard to divert the subject for a while, talk and laugh and joke about related things till we're on a topic far, far away. The connections hum just so. Another one of the things I love about this.

Sooner or later though, he'll say "But back to what we were talking about. You were saying...?"



Run, run away from the questions you can't answer; the unquantifiable, unmeasurable, unprovable wishy-washy statements.

I pledge allegiance to a God whom I cannot see or touch but believe in through faith, and I will live my life each day for His glory."

Fancy enough. But how do you actually do that? And what about the shady areas? When you get down to specifics, there isn't much consensus. And then, I can't answer you because I don't know what is the right answer. I can't just give you my answer, surely? It might be the wrong one, the one I say to lie to myself about how I feel and think, the one that I change every minute.

"If you don't take anything else from this, at least I hope you find out who you are."