Saturday, October 20, 2007

Overwhelmingness of college life, distilled

Do you ever have that feeling when you just want to stop time, dismantle your life piece by piece and try to make it into something that makes sense, and then get back on track with a clear purpose, clear mind and clean heart?

I do.

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The last few days-okay, last few weekends-have all passed in a blur. You walk and talk and go out a bit and suddenly, the weekend is gone and it gets back to the school routine. It seems like it never changes but actually, its changing all the time. Your relationships with people, getting closer or more distant; your perceptions, your ideals, other people's perceptions of you. The process is almost like a lava lamp, gradual and rather hypnotic. But you can't be the one observing it when you're the liquid within.

I keep wondering (though it would be easier if I just let go) what will I be, when the dust settles and my form becomes evident...

Insecurity flows into trying too hard flows into what am I, really? into a deep settledness, and calmness, knowing that whatever I am or whoever I become....

I am safe. I am sheltered, under His wing, in His mighty hand.

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