That's how it feels like, struggling against the tide of everything that's coming my way. Like it or not.
Slowly but surely it's been affecting my personal relationships as well. I don't know what I feel about that. Uneasy, for sure.
I'm telling myself that I can get through this, it's only a couple of weeks more until the semester is over. And there is a break in between.
But at what price does this achievement come (this slog seems much less grand)? Am I learning anything of use when my days are full of meetings and work and class, and when there is free time, long naps of oblivion? I live at the mercy of my moods. I keep grasping at branches that I hope can bring me up to the surface, but they turn out to be straw, or I decide that it's not worth the time.
White noise has become a fixture of my life rather than the exception. I don't want to deal with this anymore. I want peace, and quiet. Only in absence can I find my way to the present.
PS. I realized I broke my resolution to simplify my life and keep from doing too much. I have a habit of overestimating what I'm capable of doing and being happy.
PPS. Ah peace and quiet! It's 2am, but I have gotten it at last :)
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