What song means to me

One of the things I miss about having a room and lots of space all to myself is the freedom to sing (and pray) out loud.

I remember back at home, when I was in that singing mood or there were too many feelings contained within me that I could not sort out, I would open up my mouth and let loose. It had a very soothing effect on me - as though all the energies and emotion bottled up within me were being channeled into tones of words that formed a melody and vibrated in the air.

I truly felt the music...like anything done for pleasure, I did not need anyone to make the experience complete. I was both the actor and the audience; and there was perfect feedback between both sides throughout the process of warming up the vocal chords, singing, listening and experimenting with different pitchs and tones.

Here, I have to rein in my voice when it wants to soar (when I sing, it can be LOUD...way louder than my speaking voice), muting it into a hum or whisper. To not disturb others. There's no place on campus that is deserted enough for me to sing as boldly and loudly as I want.

The only time when I really go for it is in Christian Fellowship. Recently we've been doing mostly praise and worship in CF and it's great (though we should also do some bible study soon). When everyone else is singing I am free to join the chorus of praise. Though sometimes I admit I'm more into the music than Him, and that's something I'm asking Him to help me with. When the song is one we've played during Infuse (my youth group back home) a feeling of nostalgia and longing and familiar warmth sweeps over me.

I'm not one who's obsessed with music or wishes to pursue it as a career. I do believe that God has given us tongues and voices for two reasons - one, because He is very, very good and His creation is marvellous and grand and perfect in its every detail. Also, when we sing, we don't use our intelligence but our heart and spirit. There must be a link between what Jesus commanded his disciples to "worship God in spirit and in truth", and the multitude of angels praising God and singing in heaven.

I open my mouth, and pour forth everything that is in me.