Cacophony

I think I've realised why I can't relax here. I am never at rest.

I wake up to worry and thoughts and lists of things to do and I saddle them on my back to last till the day ends and I drop, worn-out, into the bed again.

I am plagued with the vision of perfection and taunted by the shadow of insecurity and fragile self-esteem. I am surrounded by intelligent people and I can't tune into their channel. I cannot talk like I don't care because I do...more than you can imagine. So I remain silent, all the while bursting inside to talk to the person next to me.

Nothing I write is good enough, I can't solve the sum. I can't do this equation. I'm just not as smart. I admit defeat.

And maybe, in that desperate, weary yet defiant confession: I will find redemption.

I will survive, and tell the tale, and be a wiser, kinder person for it.

Be still my galloping thoughts....I need to sleep now.