Turning back to the Truth

I just realised (while surfing the net and checking emails and reading New York Times online, the things I do every night) that I'm not at all what I want to be.

How many times, just in one day, do I completely flout this command?

"Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing." - 1 Peter 3:9

When I read that verse yesterday night before I went to sleep last night, I did feel a twinge I think but I was almost going to sleep, drowsy; so I didn't think much of it.

Now, when I read it again, it strikes me that its the sort of thing I agree with totally on principle, but never follow.

I'm not trying to lay the blame on others, but in our society (especially adolescent society) there is a tendency to exchange insults and curses in a seemingly casual manner. However, to compliment a person genuinely is considered unusual, sometimes people even doubt your intentions in doing so. Through this kind of environment, I learned to believe that trading insults, striking before being provoked and being sarcastic as long as it's funny is ok.

More and more so I'm seeing that it's not. Perhaps it was still alright back home, when people knew me well and understood my intentions, but I believe that I've become in some ways more prickly than I used to be. Here, I can be two people in one body at the same time: one, TP with the sarcasm and big laugh; or TP with the kind smile and comforting words and helpfulness personified. But sometimes even that can be wrongly interpreted as fake.

I am not being what I want to be, what I want to be remembered for. Why did I come, was it just to learn in more depth the ways of the world and how to play the "game"? If so, then everything is just twisted. I want more than that. I want more than just leadership positions, sevens, friends, intellectual development...although all those play a part. I want to learn how to relate properly to other people. The way we are meant to.

Practising the Bible's truth can sometimes be so hard. It means shutting up my mouth just when I'd want to say something irresistable and speaking up when necessary to build someone up. But hey, this was never called the easy road, only the one which leads to an eternal, unbelievably wonderful reward in the future.

"Come, my children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the Lord. Whoever of you loves life and desires to see many good days, keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies. Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it."
-Psalm 34: 11-14