How many times have I said that we experience a whole roller-coaster of emotions everyday, the highs and lows and in-betweens? I think I might not have said it in this blog yet.
But there's another thing that's relevant about the roller-coaster analogy...things recur. Like the tracks that the roller-coaster roars on, however high you go or however fast you hurtle down, you can't get off and you can't change course.
In a sense, we can change the course of our lives. We do it every day, in every little decision that we make. But who controls the net result of our lives? What happens in Siberia when a butterfly flaps its wings in Africa?
The butterfly does not know how its actions may reverbrate through the earth. Similarly, I never thought that actions, words in the past would come back and bite me so nastily in the present. I am reminded once again that you can still make mistakes, huge personal mistakes, with the best intentions. Or at least with good intentions.
Today was a good-BAD-good-good day for me. Perhaps when you add it up together, they cancel out and it turns out to be nothing. So I felt nothing the whole day. But that's not true at all. Which just shows that Math is stupid. You can draw functions and calculate logarithms all you like, but you can never predict human nature.
_______________
(Boring Interjection about my real life, as opposed to the life of my mind)
Well...classes were interesting and I managed to proudly hand in my Economics commentary at the same time as others instead of taking the extension which I was granted because of the play I'm in (which has been, quite simply, my life for the last week or so). Goodness came also in the form of the end of United World Theatre (yes Yes YEs YES!) which I enjoyed much and learned much from. I don't think I can ever measure the amount of learning I receive from any one thing...some things come gradually. But now I can proudly say that I have been involved in a theatre production before:D
And also, I got the highest grade possible (a 7) for my English commentary, and thus for my English grade this term:D :D :D The teacher told me I should move back to higher level ("What are you doing at standard level?"), I can get a 7 there too. :D :D :D Pardon my shamelessness, but this was a real boost to my self-esteem, and I don't get that many here...
Which of course, is what I would love to do if only I could arrange my subjects in such a way that I could still attend English HL. WHY must there be only 2 classes for HL? And both those are taken already for me...
OH WELL. Life's like that, and I'm not going to try and manipulate my timetable anymore just so that I can have everything. I've inconvenienced people enough, it's time to grow up and learn to make the best out of things.
________________________
What else...oh, the other day in the shower I pondered the ultimate futility of teaching. Just think about it. Someone gives a speech to a 100 people, but each one goes away taking a slightly different message. Each day, we face dozens of misunderstandings: verbal, cultural, body language, mindset...
What's the point of education if each time you teach, the message goes further and further away from the truth, if there was ever a truth to begin with? And why do we think that our own way is always necessarily the best? Each way of doing a certain thing may be equally valid (says me).
It's pretty freaky to think that each time I open my mouth, the person receiving my words is getting a completely different image and interpretation from what I picture. Makes me want to check my words more...
No comments:
Post a Comment