Today I finally understand what cliched books mean when they say "her eyes wide, she opened her mouth to say something, and then closed it shut." It happened to me.
I was just about to fire off a snappy retort to someone who super annoyed me with her assumptious comment. Without giving away too many details, she asked me to do something and I was going to do it, even though i was not keen on it but because she wanted me to and I wanted to make things easier for her. All the same I planned to complete another task I was doing first, and without even checking she said, "Waa, only doing that bit ahh!" (to that effect). So instantly the Flame of the Wrongly Accused flared up in me and I wanted to say in a very irritated tone, "I'm going to do this first."
And I was about to do it! But something stopped me before I could get the words out. You know how when you think, you don't think in words but rather are led by emotions or senses? Well, some sense in me reminded me that I had to be patient. And thus I kept quiet.
However the aforementioned flame had not burned out! While I was finishing my other task it roared inwardly. See, it said (metaphorically), being a Christian is being a doormat! Not fighting back, not defending yourself, not demanding your rights! You get stepped on, taken for granted, overlooked, unappreciated by everybody because you won't stand up for yourself! You see? YOU SEE?! And the God you serve was the biggest doormat of all! The only difference is, his doormat was vertical and in the shape of a cross!
All the same, after a while it subsided and, knowing my annoyance was blown out of porportion, tried to make sense of it. Indeed, Jesus' instructions to us, his followers, do sound like "be a doormat". Things such as:
1. If a man slaps you on one cheek, turn the other cheek to him too.
2. Be quiet when people speak to you in anger.
3. Pray for those who persecute you.
4. Do not seek vengeance or revenge.
5. Love those who hate you.
And so on. His whole life was a testimony to serving others and not himself: washing his disciples' feet, preaching to the crowds although he was exhausted and hungry, even restoring the chopped-off ear of a man who came to kill him.
His selflessness is not an easy act to follow. In fact, it downright goes against the thinking of this generation of "My right"-ists.
But I think of it this way...if my being a doormat for Christ can help to usher someone into the House of God, get someone interested in Him...then, I am willing to be one.
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Another thought that I had was, (and this thought didn't feel like it came from me) before we can soar like eagles, our wings have to be strengthened first. Sometimes I'm so eager to fly off and explore my fullest potential that I forget that I need to grow stronger and firmer in my foundations first.
I think this is the period when God is putting many challenges in my life to build up the character I need to stay strong in Him even without the support group that I've had near me all my life. It's sometimes trying but also exciting as I prepare to venture into new territory. I had better prepare well!
Alright, sleep is calling my name and I must not keep it waiting. Farewell dear readers!
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