For G

A schoolmate, my co-year from Vietnam, left school yesterday.

Apparently it was for family reasons and she had to leave quickly. We didn't even have a chance to say goodbye. Most people didn't notice she wasn't there and the news only spread after she left.

She had been the "background" person, the one who stands at the side, not participating, never speaking unless you engaged her in conversation directly. And even so, it was tough-going for she didn't give an answer of more than a few words.

I don't think anyone really knew her well. We all just assumed this is the way she wants to live her life, and let her alone. We were on the same China Week trip (a week when all 1st years go to China for service and cultural exposure) but I don't think I ever had a conversation with her that was more than superficial.

In this past year alone two other students have left the college, for disciplinary reasons, never to come back as a student. They both have to construct a new life for themselves back in their home countries after spending more than a year here, where they had made their home; and try to sort out their future after being booted out from school. In both cases, they were tearful farewells on the part of other students in the canteen - well-wishes, keep-in-touches...assurances that they would be missed, that they mattered to the community.

As far as I know, nothing of the sort was done for my friend. No one even knew. And the other two left in disgrace, their sins finally catching up with them till it was too late to make amends. That was not the case for her.

Which brings me to wonder, what do we do with the living shadows amongst us? People to whom no one really relates to because it's hard to, people who keep to themselves? In an environment like my college, it's often a case of the survival of the fittest, socially. If you keep to yourself a lot, are not bubbly, outspoken, active, bold...you lose out on social opportunities. Your reputation and standing in the (highly insular) community is affected. And to a teenager, that can be a lot of pressure.

I hope life was not very hard for her here, but I believe it must have been. To a certain degree, you are disadvantaged if you are naturally quiet. You are disadvantaged if English is not your native language and you have dificulty understanding/speaking it. You are disadvantaged if you had less exposure back in your home country - to things like student exchanges, camps, private schools, enlightened teachers.

I hope life will continue smoothly with her and whatever brought her back to Vietnam will become less and less of a problem, and that it does not hurt her so much. I hope she will know that she did not fail here; that it was not solely her problem that she could not fit into our community, but ours that we never seriously took the trouble to understand her.